Keith’s Blog

Where, O death, is your Victory?

It is never easy to say goodbye to those we love. Whether death has torn us from one we hold dear over a long, even predictable period of time or whether it has wreaked its havoc on our emotions and lives suddenly, almost without any warning at all, to have to say a final farewell is something that is always tinged with pain and sadness.

For years now, I have been passing on what has been taught to me, and what I have often read and heard taught by others, concerning the elements involved in that sorrowing. With surprising agreement, those communicating from both secular and spiritual perspectives tell us that with the pain of bereavement’s separation comes this five-fold pattern of response: First there is shock as, in defence, our minds self-anaesthetize and turn our emotions numb before the full import of the news that comes before us. Then can come denial, as even upon consideration and reflection, our panicked logic simply cannot believe that what has happened could occur in reality. In transition, our denial often then turns to anger, as we lash out against this terrible injustice, this terrible robbery that has been forced upon us. Then can come despair, as our emotions free up again and our logic is cruelly forced back into line. Here, guilt can also appear if we feel we could have, should have, done something to prevent the departing or to have made its preparation far more comfortable or filled with love. And finally, with the passing of time, sometimes short and sometimes long, we arrive at acceptance.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve shared these elements with families and individuals in the hope of helping them gain some perspective and calm amidst the turmoil of their grieving emotions. I’m sure it would number in the dozens. And yet, until this week, I don’t think I’ve ever properly realised just how much I’ve always been dissatisfied with them. You see, for those of us who are followers of Jesus, there is this sixth element in our response to death that is just as important, just as real and just as powerful as all the others. It is the element of joy! At first take, of course, this hardly makes sense at all. Shock, denial, anger, despair, acceptance and then joy? It almost seems ludicrous, untenable, only something someone in denial could know in the face of death. But over these last five days, as I’ve said goodbye to one dear friend that I loved and watched as another said goodbye to someone who had truly loved them, it just struck me afresh how much the message of Jesus floods unexpected joy into even, and perhaps especially, our situations of seemingly unrelenting dark.

As Christians, we, of course, grieve fully. Not to do so would be to deny the way God has made us. But in the midst of our grief what joy there also truly is as we stand over an open grave and through our tears see, too, the hope of the empty tomb. What joy there truly is to stand in a place of burial yet, in our hearts, to know the hope of the resurrection garden. What joy there truly is to say farewell to one whom you have loved knowing that the Apostle’s words in Rev 14:13, that echo down through the centuries and into all eternity, are absolutely true for them: “I heard a voice from heaven saying blessed are the dead who die in the Lord.. They will rest from their labour, for their deeds will follow them!”

To say goodbye is never easy and, without question, this has been a week of great sorrowing. But even in the midst of this last, and most cruel of enemies, because of Jesus, what joy there has also been! Because of him, death is indeed robbed of its victory and all our goodbyes need only be for the moment.